Steve
I was living in a suburb. I was standing on the sidewalk in front of our [...modifiers…] house. A girl named Julie drove up and asked through the car window if I wanted to visit her friends Steve and Steven. I agreed and jumped in.
When I arrived at the house of Steve and Steve we all went in. Then little Steve pushed me into Bin Steve’s bedroom and closed the door. Surveying the room I saw that someone had punched a hole in the wall next to the table which had the push button telephone on it.
Steve wasted no time and went straight to sucking me off. Then he pushed me face down into the bed and deflowered me from on top.
Prior to all of this, when I was twelve years old I beat off and came for the first time. As I progressed I found two pornographic novels in my brother’s night table. The were Naked Lunch by William Burroughs and one of the The Illuminatus trilogy by Robert Anton Wilson. I learned a lot from them. I started using household objects as dildoes.
When I look back on this, I see that it was a set up. Big Steve was supposed to be raping me but he didn’t know about all the dildoes before him. When I told him that he was my first, he told me that I was a liar because I didn’t scream. I never saw him again.
Ron
After I was with Steve I wanted more hot gay sex. The only gay man I knew was Ron.
Lou
I was writing an /etc/termcap entry for the bid terminal in one of Computer Science Corporation’s labs. I heard a voice from the door so I turned to look. What I saw was a tall man with a thick mustache and silver hair. He was standing next to a short blonde woman in a business suit. The woman was Linda and the man was Lou, but I didn’t get a proper introduction. Instead Linda said to Lou, “that’s Ken”. Lou said “a hacker…a good hacker”.
Later that day I was walking across the parking lot to get lunch when I spotted Lou. I maneuvered to join him and asked him, “do you have any lovers?” He never forgot that one; he told so many people that I had said that to him. I quickly became his renter in reverse. I lived with him as his lover while I paid my share of the rent.
Lou said “good hacker” because he went to MIT. Lou was much more intelligent than any of my former boyfriends. He immediately charmed my parents at their first dinner that he served us, in his rented townhouse with a real fireplace. But I wasn’t good, my morals were warped, my brain was damaged by childhood lead poisoning. The drugs didn’t help either. Still I knew enough to not fuck with other people’s computers as I had an experience at college when I was under the evil influence of Helen, a woman that I admired for her computer abilities. I didn’t quite connect all of the dots. For instance she told me that she always crashed the college IBM mainframe twice to prove that the first time she crashed it, it didn’t crash for reasons other than her. She would teach me things that I shouldn’t know. Eventually I scratched WIL.OS.PUB.EXECS which was the OS/360 equivalent of /usr/local. I was so shocked that the computer commands did something that seemed impossible, that I blurted out the fact that I did it in front of many other people who were in the same student room as me and my keyboard. They caught me and I was expelled from the computer science department so I switched my major to biology. I liked molecular biology classes. The experience was like being vaccinated against being a computer criminal; I learned the consequences were not what I wanted down in my heart and soul. The bottom line is that I learned morality from the ground up, by trial and error instead of guidance which circumstances had deprived me of.
Computerland plus NYC
While I was living with Lou, I met Ralph and James at The Lost and Found, a former gay bar in DC. Ralf and James were dancing naked on the bar. Ralph went by David and James went by Nikko. We became friends, probably because we were all so similar, except that I worked in a tiny computer corporation, it was the 1980s, probably 1989. We all ended up going to a house in the suburbs that wasn’t my house in the suburbs. Their house was in Virginia and mine was in Maryland. In the basement Nikko had fixed up the large, cubical walk-in closet to be like a nightclub. We all listened to his music while getting stoned to the strobe light in the basement closet.
George
I was reading The Butch Manual. I found a copy of it in Lou’s bookshelves. It became my style guide.
I bought my first leather jacket
Peter
In 1997 I was browsing the web using My OpenBSD workstation with a 166 MHz Pentium chip in it. I was using ??? in between Netscape Navigator and Firefox. I was on a hook-up website and I found Peter. Jewish, fat and turned on by tickling, he was a great match for me. We were just FWB but we often went out to watch a movie and eat dinner together. His mother started dying and he would not let me look at her, even once. I just got to hear his elaborate stories about feeding his mother chocolate pudding. He was a salesman who specialized in estate sales. After his mother died I got a chance to see her apartment as he went on and on about her possessions. After she passed, I was sitting in my barber’s chair and he told me that his mother had died. He broke out in tears, blubbering about her. When I got my next haircut he was blubbering again but about the passing of his father.
A few months later I was sitting at a kitchen table in a rented, colonial home in the suburbs of northern Virginia. Around the table was my soon-to-be 100 years-old grandmother on my father’s side, my father and my mother. My mother had metastasized breast cancer. She first found out that she had cancer in 1988, after I had stopped living with my parents. It came back in 2004 when I was in my prime. I had a job working for Thompson Financial as a UNIX Systems Administrator and lived in a single-family, detached house on a terraced woods by a creek.
We were all playing scrabble. Because it was going to be my grandmother’s 100th birthday soon, my mom got it in her head that my grandmother had to look good by getting her hair done. She told my grandmother that she would get her hair done by her very own hairdresser. My grandmother said she wouldn’t do that. My mom said that he could come to see her. [...further elaborate…] Eventually my mom became furious. She stood up from the table screaming “YOU HAVE RATTY HAIR!” right at my grandmother. The lead poison from her living in Philly had caused my mom so much damage that she was barely human sometimes.
Next week I was at Eastern Market in DC with a group of new friends.
Bobby
Ten days after my mom died, it was gay pride 2007 in DC. I hardly noticed. I was upstairs getting wasted. I went down to smoke another cig. As I opened the side door to The Fireplace, the gay bar I was hanging out in (instead of any of that gay pride stuff) Terry, Kitty popped in, followed by Bobby. We went from “hello” to making out with Bobby upstairs by the bar in what seemed like a heartbeat to me. When it was time to leave I could not convince Bobby to come home with me. He convinced me to go to Kitty’s place instead. Bobby and I slept on the floor at the foot of the bed.
After we woke up entangled on the floor, I still was struggling with getting Bobby to come over so I picked him up in my arms and walked across the threshold of Kitty’s apartment. We took the S1 bus back to my condo because I hadn’t taken my car downtown; I might have been totally out-of-my-mind over my mother dying but I knew enough to not drink and drive. We arrived at my town-house style condo and Bobby switched from resisting me to clinging to me. We were so tight and fit so well that both of us were in Heaven.
[elaborate]
But just like Gilgamesh and Enkidu we were star-crossed. We both smoked cigs but Bobby first smoked when he was eight years old. He became a regular smoker at 12 when his foster parents told him that he could smoke in his room while they handed him his very own ashtray.
Just like Icarus and Daedalus we flew too high. Just like Brokeback Mountain it was: Two Guys, one Dies.
Aguirre
During the Pandemic, I broke up with my boyfriend of two-and-a-half years. We both had separate apartments in Maryland for the entire duration of our relationship. His surname is Aguirre which I think translates into Wrath of God. We met on the patio of the Baltimore Eagle in 2018 while I was playing my game “make a man come to a gay bar by using a hookup app”. It was a pretty hard game because of the fact that guys on hookup apps generally do not want to go out because they don’t need to because he can go elsewhere to hook. I messaged Aguirre and after we chatted, he agreed to come to me. Time went by and he messaged me that he had forgotten his wallet and it would take more time. Finally he arrived, we chatted, he took me to get a steak dinner and then we went to his place. Two and a half years of me being monogamous followed. When I first showed up at his place for dinner instead of eating out,I knew that the kitchen could be an enormous source of conflict, so I just sat at the table and asked, “if there’s anything you need, please let me know”. I was not going to mess with his cooking. Even though I thought to myself as I watched him cook that he was doing everything wrong, I just sat and watched. Turns out that he was a great cook and the meal was as delicious as it was romantic.
During our relationship, I was able to
Jason
Asked me to dance
xxxx
Mr. Keys
In June of 2023, two years after the pandemic crackup, I thought to myself that if only I lift weights a little bit, it would help me be healthier.
Bad boy. Smoked crack in my bedroom and bathroom. Got on his knees and asked me to
Zoom meeting
Mark
I was slumming at the Safeway in Columbia Maryland. I had walked from my apartment after drinking a martini because I was dieting.Was on my third crash diet. I wanted to be a hottie in the code room of the Baltimore Eagle, a nightclub in Baltimore.
I was trying to make up my mind about what to do as I made my way in a daze. I decided I need to get some water since I was so dehydrated in the warmth of February 2024. I decided to get a bottle of water at the BP gas station along with my turquoise pack of American Spirit cigarettes. I changed my mind and went to the Safeway and got a bottle of ??? club soda. I also bought three small bananas and a bunch of kale to eat on my diet. After I made my purchase, I left the store to sit on the benches and drink some seltzer to rehydrate. On a bench facing me sat Mark. We had never met but I blurted out “do you know any gay guys”. He answered by saying “me”.
We hit it off and he agreed to walk back to my apartment. It was a long walk and he walked much slower than me so I kept stopping to let him catch up. As we made it back I kept becoming more fatigued.
When we got to my apartment, we sat on my balcony to smoke another cig and we chatted. He told me that he wanted someone who would beat his ass. It was my duty to give him what he wanted since I lived by my motto of always giving guys what they wanted.
With him lying face down on my bed I proceeded to spank his ass with my bare hands…
The next day I had a blow-n-go on Sniffies. My remote-controlled trick arrived. He was a 20-something bear with a dick so stinky I had to clean it up with damp tissues in order to suck him off. As he was leaving there was a knock on the door. When I answered it, there was Mark again. My trick split in the same few seconds that Mark entered.
I put on Beethoven’s 9th and beat Mark’s ass with the small wooden rice paddle just like the first time, but
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